Annoying habits

Clicking pens, cracking knuckles, tapping, bouncing a leg whilst sitting, twirling hair, biting nails, overt use of hands when talking… the annoying sub conscious habits that people have that drive others insane and as far away as possible from you.

Any poker player will read your habits, judge you and walk over you.

I once had to tell a person that during an interview they were biting their hair, actually biting their hair when they were thinking of a response. It was so distracting and it was really the only thing the interview panel remembered of them. I thought it was better to alert them of their unconscious habits. To this day, I wonder if they ever chose to break that habit.

The thing about habits is that it is hard to be conscious of them, hard to break and they tend to come in droves when we are most vulnerable/nervous.

At the next meeting you attend, look around the room and be alert about the subconscious habits people have and see how others interact with them. Are they taken seriously?

Being aware of your own habits

Chances are, you are already aware, someone would have told you, even if it was a loved one. But if you aren’t aware, ask those that are close to you, friends or a good work colleague. Even if it isn’t a big habit, being alert to it, or when you are most likely to unconsciously do the habit, is a great way to be more aware.

For me, I don’t have overt habits, but I have been told that I cough more when I am stressed and tend to subduedly play with my hands, particularly when I am bored/unengaged. When I need to be on my game, I am much more alert to them.

Dealing with people who have an annoying habit

This tends to be tricky. No one likes hearing criticism and in many cases are mortified. So consider how you would like to be told. Maybe it is something to be said in passing? At one particular meeting a lady kept clicking her pen that I saw another person provide her with a non-clicking pen during a meeting. It was subtle without being overt.

That said, I am a big believer in people being told if they have a habit that it potentially holding them back. However the messenger is important and if you aren’t particularly close or formed a bond, then it may not be you to pass that message. Sometimes, those with annoying habits are there to test you, to see how well you can cope with things that might drive you crazy. Breathe…

Breaking habits

In some literature, habits have the same hold over you as smoking. So breaking them is not as easy as being simply alert to them. It takes willpower and perseverance. In many cases, the learned habit has been since childhood, making it even harder.

So, some helpful advice in working on willpower:

• Know the triggers. In most cases it is vulnerability or pressure. If you can foresee some pressurised times (like an upcoming deadline), make a note, do sticky notes/email reminders about focussing on your habit.

• If there is a regular meeting, when the meeting reminder pops up, it should have at the same time a reminder about your weird habit.

• Fitbits and other similar devices can do a discrete vibrate. Do regular reminders throughout the day.

• Ask a close friend to prompt you when you are doing the habit. Whether its letting you know after a meeting how you did or stamping on your foot when you are actually doing it, having another person you trust is a good way to go… they can be a feedback point.

• Find another less annoying habit to replace it with. So if for instance you struggle to sit still, then maybe become a prolific note taker instead.

The aim is not to go cold turkey. The aim is to reduce the severity of the habit or to avoid it when you absolutely need to be on your game.

Good news for fidgeters: apparently people who fidget burn more energy and are more likely to be slimmer! This is a positive outcome people who struggle to sit still. Remember though, smoking is also a slimming method, but not one anyone would recommend. So find a good balance to your habits. Even if you are unable to break them entirely, work on them to ensure that when you need to have a professional image, those habits don’t come forward.

Body language, facial twitches and reading micro-expressions… these are dealt separately.