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Conscious listening

anntonettedailey
Apr 30, 2015
3 min read

We hear it so often, in fact it is the mantra of professional development 101 courses: listen, listen and listen again. So for something that is so straightforward, why is it – listening – still the most common piece of professional advice given?

Are we really not listening to the advice, or is it something we hear, but never truly absorb. I mean truly and unequivocally absorb. Probably because ‘listening’ isn’t a sexy new fad. Its centuries old.

So lets make it sexy again and learn to undertake conscious listening. This is the listening whilst be in the present. Meditation and Buddhist teachings invite people to be in the present. Conscious listening is about making an effort to listen in the present with full and open intent.

How to listen better (including how to practice listening)

1. Listen with an open heart. We all have filters, be conscious of those filters. These filters are values, beliefs, intentions and expectations. Next time you are listening to something, particularly something you disagree with; take a moment to look at what your filters are. Being conscious of them, you can’t remove them, but you can be aware of them and how they are affecting your listening.

2. Silence – re calibrate your hearing and rejoice in silence. Silence is different to being quiet. Its actually a very eerie sound. If you can find time for a couple of minutes of silence a day, it not only re-tunes, but also acts as a opportunity to meditate and clear your mind. Yes, you might be sitting in silence, but your brain is still whirling away!

3. Be conscious of all the sounds around you. Practice tunnelling each sound and isolating it. Next time you are in a coffee shop, isolate the sound of the coffee maker, the conservation at the next table, the floorboard moving, background music etc. Being able to hear and truly isolate sounds will aid in being able to consciously listen to someone. It will improve your quality of listening.

4. Refrain from interrupting. Consider the last conversation you had, how many times did you interrupt or change the conversation, its never consciously done, but it is almost human nature to interrupt. Be alert to the pauses in speech by the person you are listening and make a conscious effort to not fill in the pause.

5. Speak only if it will contribute to the conversation. Talking for the sake of talking is a waste of air. Powerful people use their words carefully. Practice doing the same, unless you are going to add to the outcome or the discussion, refrain from talking and listen to others. If it's a large meeting and the topic is less than interesting, take the opportunity to observe how others are interacting with the conversation, those that are consciously listening and those that like the sound of their voice, those that deviate the conversation whether intentionally or unintentionally. Also note that those that are silent, what are they doing, are they listening or are they in a day dream.

6. Eye contact and body language. Listening involves non-verbal cues. They verbal ‘uh-huh’ in acknowledgement of a discussion may contradict in body language. The key to conscious listening is to make eye contact and to position your body to be open and receptive. Next time you are talking to someone, observe their non-verbal cues and ascertain whether they are listening. No matter how multi-talented a person is, if they are looking a their phone or watching tv, they are not consciously listening. Active listening is more than passively having ears available, it is respectfully using non-verbal cues to show a willingness to engage.

Some of my favourite quotes to inspire conscious listening:

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. WINSTON CHURCHILL

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. Most people listen with the intent to reply. STEPHEN R COVEY

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. DALAI LAMA

Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.

Listening is not understanding the words of the question asked, listening is understanding why the question was asked in the first place.

Finally, remember that active or conscious listening is a difficult skill to obtain, its so difficult, that few master it. Take the time and energy to practice real listening, you might find yourself picking up on subtleties or making new steadfast friendships.