Thick skin

I have a thick skin

It’s a common saying, as a brush off to criticism. But unless you have a large cohort of twitter trolls, shaking off a few bad issues in the workplace is not about having a thick skin. And if you are still debating the argument in your head several hours after an incident, then you are, well, normal.

I see many people use the term ‘thick skin’ as a face to try and show toughness, but the reality is, to many, it is just show and this is where problems go to either fester or destroy mental well-being. It can also continue to breed a culture in the office place of unnecessary meanness.

Having a thick skin is not necessarily something to aspire to. Why? It means you aren’t easily offended and largely unaffected by the needs and feelings of others. In short, tough and insensitive.

So why has it become a badge of honour?

For many of us, we bruise easily. So instead of trying to get a leather thick skin, how about instead, we look at adaptability or bounce-back ability.

Let’s look at how to improve your ability to bounce-back from a difficult time.

1. Have a damn strong ego, where you have a positive image of yourself. If you are constantly planning for the worst, then you are constantly in battle for the negative in everything. Try the flip approach, where you have genuine confidence in your abilities and be prepared to match it will skill and perseverance. Much easier said than done. Put simply: a. Find some personal meaning, why are you doing what you are doing (think about what you wanted when you applied for the job) b. Foster positive relationships. Positive people attract other positive people. If you can’t see your strengths, enlist the help of others. c. Prioritise yourself, do things purely for yourself – exercise, blogs, whatever it may be. d. Put up positive affirmations. Whether they are inspiring quotes or a picture, if it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling, then you can recreate that feeling when you see it.

2. Acknowledge the situation, rather than take criticism personally. Become selective in what you hear. Whilst not excusable, if someone is yelling or not choosing to consider a better manner to articulate their emotions or concerns, then you have the ability to have selective hearing. Calling someone out on it can be confrontational, but consider your colleagues – if they don’t have a thick skin, they may take it more personally due to the manner of delivery and struggle with the recovery. See my earlier post on ‘not all feedback is should be considered valuable’.

3. Show angry emotion, rather than sad emotions. Provided you aren’t suffering any mental illnesses, the emotions with anger are usually overcome quicker than sad emotions. Angry emotions usually prompt action (in this case, hopefully positive action), whereas being sad usually corresponds with less action and more of a slip into a depressed state, taking longer to recover.

By all means, pursue thicker skin if it’s a worthwhile coping mechanism. But make sure that your skin is not so thick that you become insensitive. You might find you are part of the problem.

Further reading: 8 things people with thick skin don’t bother caring about (Elite Daily) http://elitedaily.com/life/8-things-people-thick-skin-dont-care/748114/